Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
