The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
