I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dude. I can hear the air.
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