So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need a beard to bite.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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