Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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