Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
