so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
