last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
