so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
