Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
