why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
