I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
