Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I intend to get homeless drunk
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
