i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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