sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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