Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
