We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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