I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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