I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
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