Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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