I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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