i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
