Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
