so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ladies don't puke and tell
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
