Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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