my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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