Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
