I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
