I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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