I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
