You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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