I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
