Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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