Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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