I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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