YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
