ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
