I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
