I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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