i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
