"it" just moved
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize