I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we made out on top of his cat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
