sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
