we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs