Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever