the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
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I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.