Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
