based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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