20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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