Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
