you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize