Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
