so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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