i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
