By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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