I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
