is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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