Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
