She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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