Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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