There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize