this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
