STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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