Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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