I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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