I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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