i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
