There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Vodka?
Forever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
