So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
