listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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