When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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