I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
