so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
