can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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