and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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