i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
